It is extremely
important to remember that a foster or adopted child’s beginnings may be vastly
different than those of a child who did not come from a hard place. Harvard
studies indicate that children who have experienced abuse, severe deprivation,
and neglect often “need therapeutic intervention and highly supportive care to
mitigate the adverse effects” of trauma and facilitate recovery (
Neglect).
In order to combat damage done in early childhood, knowledge of TBRI, or Trust
Based Relational Intervention, is helpful for providing parents practical
skills for healing. This form of attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention
encourages parents to use a balance of nurture and structure with their child.
In order to disarm fear and survival strategies, parents teach children three
important truths:
You are safe, you are precious, you are heard.
As we continue
our TBRI series in preparation for our TBRI seminar happening
July 15,
today’s post focuses on letting your child know
they are precious. Every person has the need to be known and to be
loved. Connection principles can be used to show a child just how much they are
valued. Connecting principles describe “
an
interaction between child and caregiver that produces warmth and trust. It
disarms fear, promotes attachment and builds social competence. Even
adolescents who seem resistant and challenging actually love the opportunities
[these principles provide] for joyful, silly connection” (
Fleming).
Connecting
with your child means being engaging, making time for them, and being attuned
and mindful to their needs. Prove you value your relationship with them by
investing in it. This could look like stooping down to eye level to have a
conversation or setting aside other tasks for time dedicated just to listening
and playing with your child. According to Pastor Rick Warren, “It is not enough
to just say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in
them. Words alone are worthless. ‘My children, our love should not be just
words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.’
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E.”
Take time to invest in your child. Show
them they are precious to you.
“The best use of life is
love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.” -Rick Warren
To learn more
about TRBI, check out this new animated video:
Join us via
webcast or at the Saddleback Lake Forest campus on July 15th to learn more TBRI
strategies for parenting children from hard places. Click
here to watch
or email us at
orphans@saddleback.com
for more info.
Sources:
http://www.jennaflemingcounseling.com/blog-post/tbri-connecting-principles/
http://www.gracewood.org/blog/2015/09/08/teaching-self-control-with-tbri-guiding-your-child-with-discipline/
http://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/neglect/
Warren,
Rick.
The Purpose-driven
Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?
Grand
Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2016. Print.
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God specializes in bringing good out of broken situations, and the story of Pascasie and her family is an amazing testament of God’s redemption. When a neighbor abandoned her baby girl after a failed abortion, Pascasie, a Rwandan widow, was stirred to compassion, and she chose to take the handicapped infant into her home. Pascasie saw the opportunity to give a family to this child who had lost hers, just as Pascasie had. A survivor of the genocide, Pascasie was deeply familiar with grief and loss. The genocide had left her widowed and with only one of her two beloved children. She lived, but feared she would not be able to provide enough to sustain herself and her children. When her neighbor deserted the child, Pascasie made the courageous, faith-filled decision to make the girl her own, even though resources were limited. Pascasie trusted God, and it was in her obedience, amidst emotional and financial challenges, that she witnessed God’s goodness and provision on display. Her local church stepped in to help. Thanks to Rwanda Orphan Care Sponsors, the local Rwandan church had resources to wholistically support this fragile family. Pascasie said the church is what “made the difference” in her and her children’s life. To hear the story of how Sponsorship changed Pascasie’s life in her own words, check out this video.  The hope and transformation in this family are possible because of the generosity of the local church and Saddleback Orphan Care Sponsors! If you would like to become a sponsor, check out www.Saddleback.com/Sponsorship. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
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Saddleback
Church’s Orphan Care Initiative gathered in May to catch the vision of how
mobilized volunteers can collectively end the crisis of children living outside
of parental care right here in Orange County. The need of vulnerable children
to belong in loving, lasting, and legal families is daunting, but together,
there is hope of meeting this need locally by 2020. Accomplishing this vision
will depend upon the church, county, and business partners focusing their
efforts around the pivotal 3 R’s of permanency where children remain
in healthy families, reunite with family, and regain
family through adoption or kinship care.
Our
local vision of “Getting to Zero by 2020!” was inspired by the model of orphan
care adopted by local churches in Rwanda. With the collective decision to close
all orphanages in Rwanda, ordinary church members throughout the country, with
ongoing support and encouragement of their churches, decided to legally adopt
children into their forever families, effectively emptying orphanages in the
process! Within four years, thousands of children living in orphanages in
Rwanda have been adopted, and the country is well on track to being the first
African nation without orphanages. This is the power of the Church championing
the cause of families for orphans.
Within
Orange County there are about 300 children waiting for a family – meaning their
parental rights have been terminated and are in need of a new family through
adoption. Within the Orange County foster care system there are over 3,000
children who rely on families to care for them until their family of origin
again is able to care for them or until they are adopted. The task of “getting
to zero” in Orange County may sound like a lofty goal, but through
collaboration of church partners, county officials, and other community stakeholders,
we believe it’s possible that no child should have to wait for a family!
We
believe every person can play a role in helping vulnerable children in the
foster care system in Orange County. Though not all are called to adopt or become
a resource parent, there are so many ways to support those who can. If you are
interested in helping accomplish this vision and “get to zero” by volunteering or becoming the family a
child needs, contact us at orphans@saddleback.com or 949-609-8555.
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If you could be a part of emptying the foster care system in Southern California would you do it? We feel God wants to do something new in Southern California like He’s doing in Rwanda. Soon Rwanda will be the first country in Africa to empty their orphanages and place every child into a family. This is being accomplished through a church-to-church strategy with cooperation with the local government. Come join us for a night that will go down in history as when the churches in Southern California said they were not going to leave vulnerable children stuck in the foster care system anymore! We'll have representatives from the County of Orange along with ministry leaders from many of the largest churches in Orange County to launch this vision with us. This event has been a year in the making and will be a night you don't want to miss! All things are possible with God and you have a role in the possibilities. “For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) A light dinner will be provided. Space is limited so please RSVP here today so we can plan accordingly. If you have any questions simply call us at 949-609-8555 or email orphans@saddleback.com See you there!
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The
country of Rwanda is approaching its goal of closing all orphanages throughout
the country as children are being placed in families out of the orphanage or
reunited with their families. Despite this progress, in some orphanages children
remain waiting to receive a family – either because finding a willing family is
a challenge or often times, there are orphans ages 18 and older who grew up in
the orphanage, never learned life skills to survive on their own, and therefore
feel unable to leave the orphanage setting. What does all this mean for the
work of “Getting to Zero”? Even when orphanages have closed, the task of caring
for vulnerable and orphaned children is far from done.
The
work of the Orphan Care Initiative goes far beyond simply “closing orphanages.”
The tools and training we provide through the work of the local churches in
Rwanda is developing a child welfare system for a country that will ensure that
no children grow up outside of family care. If you take the case of the United
States, we have no orphanages – in their place we have a system for identifying
vulnerable and parentless children, sourcing families to foster and adopt them,
and training and monitoring those families so that they are successful. If you
look at Rwanda through that view, the work has only begun. There is now a
stellar example in Western Rwanda – where the Orphan Care Initiative has
focused our efforts at the request of the government – of what it looks like to
reintegrate children into families well with the wrap around support of the
church.
However,
much of the rest of the nation returned children to families without the
wrap-around support of the churches, which is so critical to the long-term
success of an orphanage-free child welfare system. Our most recent Orphan Care
PEACE trip saw this firsthand as they conducted trainings in Kimonyi, an
example of an area where the orphanage recently closed but families had never
received any information on how to address the trauma their children have
experienced in the institution. When the government realized these families
were struggling, they specifically asked for the Orphan Care Initiative to
intervene with training and support.
Getting
a child out of an orphanage and into a family is only the start of the journey
of helping that child and family succeed long term. In that way, future Orphan
Care PEACE teams remain critical to delivering several important, world-view
shifting messages:
1) The value and need for adoption in a culture coming
out of dependence on orphanages.
2) Teaching churches how to deliver the evidence-based
adoptive parent training that allows families to help heal hurts of children
who have come from the orphanage and other hard places.
3) The truth that EVERYONE in the church is called to
care for the orphan, and the church can help members get on mission in this
area in a variety of ways.
The Rwanda Orphan Sponsorship is a
piece of this support system designed to help children remain in, reunite with
or regain family through adoption. Families brought into the sponsorship
program receive support to help care for their child in the form of a monthly
amount from their local church. As part of sponsorship, parents become part of
a savings group to learn how to grow and manage their money, and they receive
lay social work support from the church and agree to attend parenting training.
In return, the families agree to use the funds to pay their child’s school
fees, enroll them in medical insurance and tithe back to their local church.
Because these funds go directly to the family from their local church, many
families receiving sponsorship don’t know there is a Western donor on the other
end, they just see it as their local church coming alongside to support them.
If
you would like to help families who are adopting children out of orphanages
through the Rwanda Orphan Sponsorship, please visit saddleback.com/sponsorship for more information on how your giving can help in
Getting to Zero.
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