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It is extremely important to remember that a foster or adopted child’s beginnings may be vastly different than those of a child who did not come from a hard place. Harvard studies indicate that children who have experienced abuse, severe deprivation, and neglect often “need therapeutic intervention and highly supportive care to mitigate the adverse effects” of trauma and facilitate recovery ( Neglect). In order to combat damage done in early childhood, knowledge of TBRI, or Trust Based Relational Intervention, is helpful for providing parents practical skills for healing. This form of attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention encourages parents to use a balance of nurture and structure with their child. In order to disarm fear and survival strategies, parents teach children three important truths:   You are safe, you are precious, you are heard.

As we continue our TBRI series in preparation for our TBRI seminar happening July 15, today’s post focuses on letting your child know they are precious. Every person has the need to be known and to be loved. Connection principles can be used to show a child just how much they are valued. Connecting principles describe “ an interaction between child and caregiver that produces warmth and trust. It disarms fear, promotes attachment and builds social competence.  Even adolescents who seem resistant and challenging actually love the opportunities [these principles provide] for joyful, silly connection” ( Fleming).

Connecting with your child means being engaging, making time for them, and being attuned and mindful to their needs. Prove you value your relationship with them by investing in it. This could look like stooping down to eye level to have a conversation or setting aside other tasks for time dedicated just to listening and playing with your child. According to Pastor Rick Warren, “It is not enough to just say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them. Words alone are worthless. ‘My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.’ Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E.”  

Take time to invest in your child. Show them they are precious to you.   “The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.” -Rick Warren

To learn more about TRBI, check out this new animated video:


Join us via webcast or at the Saddleback Lake Forest campus on July 15th to learn more TBRI strategies for parenting children from hard places. Click here to watch or email us at orphans@saddleback.com for more info.

 

Sources:

http://www.jennaflemingcounseling.com/blog-post/tbri-connecting-principles/

http://www.gracewood.org/blog/2015/09/08/teaching-self-control-with-tbri-guiding-your-child-with-discipline/

http://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/neglect/

Warren, Rick.  The Purpose-driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?  Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2016. Print.

 

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God specializes in bringing good out of broken situations, and the story of Pascasie and her family is an amazing testament of God’s redemption.

When a neighbor abandoned her baby girl after a failed abortion, Pascasie, a Rwandan widow, was stirred to compassion, and she chose to take the handicapped infant into her home. Pascasie saw the opportunity to give a family to this child who had lost hers, just as Pascasie had. A survivor of the genocide, Pascasie was deeply familiar with grief and loss. The genocide had left her widowed and with only one of her two beloved children. She lived, but feared she would not be able to provide enough to sustain herself and her children.

When her neighbor deserted the child, Pascasie made the courageous, faith-filled decision to make the girl her own, even though resources were limited. Pascasie trusted God, and it was in her obedience, amidst emotional and financial challenges, that she witnessed God’s goodness and provision on display. Her local church stepped in to help.

Thanks to Rwanda Orphan Care Sponsors, the local Rwandan church had resources to wholistically support this fragile family. Pascasie said the church is what “made the difference” in her and her children’s life. To hear the story of how Sponsorship changed Pascasie’s life in her own words, check out this video.

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The hope and transformation in this family are possible because of the generosity of the local church and Saddleback Orphan Care Sponsors! If you would like to become a sponsor, check out www.Saddleback.com/Sponsorship.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

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Saddleback Church’s Orphan Care Initiative gathered in May to catch the vision of how mobilized volunteers can collectively end the crisis of children living outside of parental care right here in Orange County. The need of vulnerable children to belong in loving, lasting, and legal families is daunting, but together, there is hope of meeting this need locally by 2020. Accomplishing this vision will depend upon the church, county, and business partners focusing their efforts around the pivotal 3 R’s of permanency where children remain in healthy families, reunite with family, and regain family through adoption or kinship care.

Our local vision of “Getting to Zero by 2020!” was inspired by the model of orphan care adopted by local churches in Rwanda. With the collective decision to close all orphanages in Rwanda, ordinary church members throughout the country, with ongoing support and encouragement of their churches, decided to legally adopt children into their forever families, effectively emptying orphanages in the process! Within four years, thousands of children living in orphanages in Rwanda have been adopted, and the country is well on track to being the first African nation without orphanages. This is the power of the Church championing the cause of families for orphans.

 

Within Orange County there are about 300 children waiting for a family – meaning their parental rights have been terminated and are in need of a new family through adoption. Within the Orange County foster care system there are over 3,000 children who rely on families to care for them until their family of origin again is able to care for them or until they are adopted. The task of “getting to zero” in Orange County may sound like a lofty goal, but through collaboration of church partners, county officials, and other community stakeholders, we believe it’s possible that no child should have to wait for a family!

 

We believe every person can play a role in helping vulnerable children in the foster care system in Orange County. Though not all are called to adopt or become a resource parent, there are so many ways to support those who can. If you are interested in helping accomplish this vision and “get to zero” by volunteering or becoming the family a child needs, contact us at orphans@saddleback.com or 949-609-8555. 

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For children with disabilities, the care of a family can mean the difference between life and death. In Rwanda, families can struggle to know how to support children with special needs in the midst of a culture that stigmatizes disabled children. The challenge can become so daunting that parents sometimes abandon disabled children. The local church in Rwanda is stepping into the gap, affirming God’s love for every child and providing practical support to families caring for children with special needs. As part of the Orphan Care Initiative’s strategy to help all children remain in family, reunite with family, or regain family through adoption, children with disabilities living in orphanages who were once considered “unadoptable” have found permeant, legal, lasting families who are making amazing sacrifices to give them the care they need.

One Presbyterian church in Rwanda has begun a school for special needs children, which not only supports the children but has become a place for struggling parents to come together. Saddleback Orphan Care PEACE teams have come alongside these parents, encouraging them to start a support group to share their unique struggles in a safe space in the church, and providing them with skills to parent their children from hard places. Through Rwanda Orphan Sponsorship, as of this Spring, two of the families who adopted their children from the orphanage are receiving monetary support from their local church, in addition to three of the families who had been struggling to carry on.

Parents in the support group share that they have never before been able to talk to anyone about the challenges they face caring for their children. Being in community in the church with other families walking the same journey has lifted their burden and has helped them know that God sees them and cares about their family.

Thanks to the generosity of Sponsors, these families can now devote more attention to the care of their children and are being cared for by their local church family. Where they and their children once experienced isolation, they now have a community that can come alongside them in the tough times with practical help and shared experience.

If you would like to support a family in Rwanda through Sponsorship, visit www.saddleback.com/sponsorship or email orphans@saddleback.com for more info.

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If you could be a part of emptying the foster care system in Southern California would you do it? We feel God wants to do something new in Southern California like He’s doing in Rwanda. Soon Rwanda will be the first country in Africa to empty their orphanages and place every child into a family. This is being accomplished through a church-to-church strategy with cooperation with the local government.

Come join us for a night that will go down in history as when the churches in Southern California said they were not going to leave vulnerable children stuck in the foster care system anymore! We'll have representatives from the County of Orange along with ministry leaders from many of the largest churches in Orange County to launch this vision with us. This event has been a year in the making and will be a night you don't want to miss!

All things are possible with God and you have a role in the possibilities. “For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

A light dinner will be provided. Space is limited so please RSVP here today so we can plan accordingly. If you have any questions simply call us at 949-609-8555 or email orphans@saddleback.com

See you there!

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